Sunday, February 3

hurry up let's go

eh right now, i'm using one of those face roller which claims to trim face chub and i'm laughing at my own naiveness as i type this. it's not going to work but it is better than nothing and i have nothing much to do on a sunday night. my old voice is still not back yet and i don't wish to spend on partyworld to sing with my new sexy voice because utf (us trip fund) is so fucking dry that i think i may need to start working full time full gear from now till the month to save enough at least for the airplane food (i love), even if i need to skip lessons.

anyway, i'm feeling real nasty these days. maybe it's not the pms because if it is, it is post instead of pre. it's not because the big, wonderfuuull v-day is coming because this year i don't give a shit. maybe because i'm feeling rather alone. neglected in a sense. but not left-out. just.. a bit not accepted. by who? i'm not sure. but i don't want to go with the crowd, i want to be just me, but yet gain people's approval. i want to go out, meet people, have lively dinners. but i don't want to spend and just want to spend my nights wasting hours here or catching up with my dvds. am really tired from the cny shopping which i see as a good reason to tell my mom when she sees me coming home with new wear. just yesterday it all hit me full force like a old shit brick house. i snapped at my mom, get irritated with my best friend, threw my dog across the room, skipped till my heels went sore.

i should be happy. new year will be here in four days. but wait, i have to answer all those fucking questions like what you studying? (haven't i told you last year? and no, sim is not the only private institute in sg.), where's your boyfriend? (nobody likes a depressed fat face but no worries, i'll probably be in sdu list pretty soon.), are you helping your mother with her housework? (oh yes. if i have leftover time from washing my own laundry.), are you still working part-time? (ah yes, because if not i don't have nice straight hair to meet you all.)

exam + assignment due in 2 weeks minus the new year week. better to get real.

if you really really really want to give me a v-day present,

in blue please.

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